Romantic things to do:

· Greet him with a hug and a long kiss
· Cook dinner
· Watch a romantic comedy
· Massage with candles and music
· Listen to his day’s events
· Play a board game
· Watch TV
· Go to the arcade
· Play poker
· Watch a TV series (Gossip girl, OC, ANTM, etc.)
· Do cosmo quizzes with him
· Do Sudoku
· Buy an Xbox game and play
· Talk about celeb gossip
· Compliment him
· Play badminton
· Make him breakfast
· Buy him something to take to work
· Praise him to friends
· Buy him a rose
· Write him a poem

Relationship problems

I wrote a whole blog, and as luck would have it, it's completely erased by stupid blogger. Now i can only hope to summarize what was the longest blog i've ever written. Basically it was about tommy and me, our relationship. I initially ranted that he doesnt respect me because he's always late and never phones, shoots down all my decisions like going to brunch or walking around bullring, and then he played poker all night when he was supposed to come see me.
But i realized that what i consider to be disrespect stems from

1. my lack of appreciation for him and what he does for me
2. my lack of respect for his decisions and priorities
3. miscontrued little looks from me, and gestures from him which mean absolutely nothing but we've contructed into sinister things in our heads.
4. my refusal/failure to share my dreams and goals with him
5. disappointment when things don't go exactly as i've planned

I just need to realize that work is a priority for him, and instead of hating him for putting work before me, i need to appreciate his hard work ethic and praise him for it. I should appreciate the things he does for me instead of being bogged down by what he didnt do. And most of all, i should lower my expectations of him. He's already given me a good chunk of his life and commitment. He's introduced me to his parents, and didnt push me about introducing him to mine. He listens to me and loves me the best way he knows how. And the truth is, i've never ever loved someone so completely and utterly as i love him. God bless our relationship, and may i find the insight to always blog about my problems before confronting him in anger. I want to be a better person for him, and i want to show him all that i can be. I want to show him true beauty in me through my personality and character. Please god show me how i can do that.

The Big Two-O

I’m finally turning 20 tomorrow. I can’t believe I’ve lived for 20 years in this world. And yet I feel so immature and inexperienced. I don’t know how to cope with being alone, I can’t even go to town alone, I don’t know how to drive, how to study hard or keep a job. But I think it’s time to take on some more responsibility and be more mature.
I keep blaming tommy for all my insecurity issues. He teases me about other girls and makes me jealous. But I need to deal with the root of the issue. I’m insecure because I think too many negative thoughts. I’m a beautiful girl who is loved by a great guy, has good friends, and is pursuing a bright future. I have the world ahead of me in these years. I need to take the life I have and be happy with it, because it could’ve been many times worse.

Some resolutions:
· I will blog when I’m angry and examine the situation rationally before storming at tommy
· I will spend more time working on myself, taking some days to spend alone instead of with him.
· I will end this stupid struggle to dominate the other person. He can dominate if he wants, I’m going to concentrate on loving him the best way I can.
· I will spend more time on my education and future, studying and preparing.
· I will reconnect with God every morning before I start the day and will pray before any big decisions. I will also look for a church.
· I will continue to read and write poetry, and submit something by this summer.

My last and most important resolution is to be happy. I know I'm blessed with having what I wanted despite it being seemingly impossible. God brought me here for a purpose, and it's high time I achieved that purpose. I'm going to concentrate on how blessed and loved I am instead of insecurities and self-doubts. I'm a strong, capable individual with so much to offer the world. I just have to be confident in myself. I'll try to make more friends and reach them through God. I hope my 21st year is filled with as many great moments as my 19th.

Thank you God, for my life.

My heart aches from loving him so much. He's so good to me and he loves me to bits that i think i don't even deserve it sometimes. He always forgives me, even when im wrong. He cares for me and my well-being. He misses work and takes me to london when i have no other way to go there. He doesn't set any conditions on me which i have to fulfill to be loved by him; his love is unconditional and pure. Even when im rude and bitchy he forgives me and comforts me. He compliments me, brings me chocolates, takes me to dinner, pays for clubbing, signs as my guarantor and just spoils me rotten. He just proves to me how God loves me. If he loves me so perfectly, how much more does God love me? I don't think words can define or identify that love.
I never felt like i fit in in vancouver. I was always the dark girl with wild hair in a mass of chinese. Here i feel like a part of the city. I'm among people that look like me and are from similar cultural backgrounds. I have friends here and a boyfriend that i love so much. I think we can handle the pressure of being an interracial couple, and the hard work will only strengthen our bond.

100th Blog: A Day to Remember

So, this is my 100th blog..an anniversary, a time for celebration. However, the reason I wanted to blog today is nothing to be celebrated. I got fired, again. This is the 2nd job I'm having to leave because the employer doesn't want me there anymore. It's downright embarrassing. AE was a bust because I didn't fit in well with all those fake people. I quit the restaurant because the woman yelled at me. I got fired from this job because I forgot to take the keys in twice, i moved around toilet paper, and didn't clean the floors well.
Rosemary's a bitch, this is true; but is it my fault that I can't keep a job? I don't have a very good track record. Does that mean that I worked at bad places, or does it mean that I just wasn't a good employee? Maybe I'm not responsible enough. I did forget the keys. But I can't help thinking that I was treated terribly unfairly. My dad was right all along, you can't trust anybody. They may seem nice enough on the outside, but when you get to know them you see how they really are. But is there something innately wrong with me? I should've resolved those issues as soon as they came up. Instead of having an all out battle with Abby, I should've told Rosemary about it. I guess injustice happens, it's okay. Wait, it;s NOT okay. But what can i do? There are some situations where you're helpless. This is one of them. I was miserable at my job, and i should've quit when i had the chance. I tried to stick it out...but never again. I will not compromise my dignity like that anymore.

Now, time for a petty little moment of complete immaturity :D

Rosemary is a BITCH BITCH BITCH! I Hope she and Abby die terrible deaths covered in boils and whatnot. I hope she slips on her bathmat and dies. I hope they never get any customers at that stupid place. BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH!!! I HATE HER. SHE MUST DIE SOON!!!

Living in the moment

It's weird being in a long distance relationship. Matter of fact, it's weird being in any relationship at all. I never thought I would be that kind of girl who would fit well with any guy. But with him i guess i sort of do fit. We'll have to see how we work out when friends come into the picture as well. I'm worried and very anxious that it might not work out after I go there. That would be terrible. But for right now, i'm going to focus on the positive.
I don't revel in the fact that i have him in my life all day long, but i love being able to share my day with him. When anything exciting happens I always imagine myself telling him the story and what his reaction would be. I take for granted how great of a guy he really is. Sometimes he tries too hard to please me that he actually undoes the cuteness of something he unknowingly does. But all in all, he's an awesome human being. I can't imagine my life without him, but im worried that I'm not passionate enough about him. I mean, my friends seem to be so publicly enamoured by their boyfriends that they can't be apart for even 2 weeks. Have I just not reached that stage in my relationship yet? Or is it simply that their actions are contrived? Maybe it's my own reaction...maybe I'm naturally not the type to fall head over heels. In any case, this is what i wanted and now i feel like it wasn't such a big deal after all. Evverything in my life seems like a letdown. That's why im so apprehensive about imagining the future. But the truth of the matter is, I had an amazing time in England and I just didn't appreciate it at the time. I had sooo much fun, even with my brother monitoring my every move, and my sis in law being depressing and moochy, and my nephews being rowdy. He made it all worth while. It's my own fault for not revelling in the moment more. But most definitely I will revel in it next time. And I will live in the moment until I leave vancouver.

Maybe so, Maybe no

Maybe they are right. Maybe he's not so great really. Why does he always insult my family? Make it seem like my family's somehow not normal, and that i'm somehow lesser than him. He doesn't know how many guys i had the opportunity to be with...even over in england in that one month. That's because i never tell him anything. I'm always considerate...well, at least most of the time. And at least I don't say mean things about HIS family.

Oh sure, he compliments me all the time. Says that he loves me...blabla. And then he undoes it all with something simple like saying that i look old. Maybe it's my own insecurity acting up. I don't want compliments; i want some respect. Respect me enough to accept my family and not always insult them, respect me and don't always find faults. He is a lucky guy dammit...i don't wanna be cocky but really, he could do much worse than me. Enough is enough already. Maybe everybody in my family isss right...maybe im really being held down. I'm way too good for him. I love him; but maybe i should stop.

Pros and Cons of going to England

Pros:
My baby
I got kicked out of UBC so i have to go there
atmosphere is better
cuter guys
less competition from fat english girls
freedom
living on my own would make me more mature
club scene
working hard will make me appreciate my money's worth and make me study harder

Cons:
No parents
expensive
living on own holds hidden challenges
No barriers to hold me in line; might run wild
have to work hard
Mommy would be worried and lonely; nobody to check up on her
close to aiya; might be called to look after kids often, might be closely monitered etc.