Living in the moment

It's weird being in a long distance relationship. Matter of fact, it's weird being in any relationship at all. I never thought I would be that kind of girl who would fit well with any guy. But with him i guess i sort of do fit. We'll have to see how we work out when friends come into the picture as well. I'm worried and very anxious that it might not work out after I go there. That would be terrible. But for right now, i'm going to focus on the positive.
I don't revel in the fact that i have him in my life all day long, but i love being able to share my day with him. When anything exciting happens I always imagine myself telling him the story and what his reaction would be. I take for granted how great of a guy he really is. Sometimes he tries too hard to please me that he actually undoes the cuteness of something he unknowingly does. But all in all, he's an awesome human being. I can't imagine my life without him, but im worried that I'm not passionate enough about him. I mean, my friends seem to be so publicly enamoured by their boyfriends that they can't be apart for even 2 weeks. Have I just not reached that stage in my relationship yet? Or is it simply that their actions are contrived? Maybe it's my own reaction...maybe I'm naturally not the type to fall head over heels. In any case, this is what i wanted and now i feel like it wasn't such a big deal after all. Evverything in my life seems like a letdown. That's why im so apprehensive about imagining the future. But the truth of the matter is, I had an amazing time in England and I just didn't appreciate it at the time. I had sooo much fun, even with my brother monitoring my every move, and my sis in law being depressing and moochy, and my nephews being rowdy. He made it all worth while. It's my own fault for not revelling in the moment more. But most definitely I will revel in it next time. And I will live in the moment until I leave vancouver.

Maybe so, Maybe no

Maybe they are right. Maybe he's not so great really. Why does he always insult my family? Make it seem like my family's somehow not normal, and that i'm somehow lesser than him. He doesn't know how many guys i had the opportunity to be with...even over in england in that one month. That's because i never tell him anything. I'm always considerate...well, at least most of the time. And at least I don't say mean things about HIS family.

Oh sure, he compliments me all the time. Says that he loves me...blabla. And then he undoes it all with something simple like saying that i look old. Maybe it's my own insecurity acting up. I don't want compliments; i want some respect. Respect me enough to accept my family and not always insult them, respect me and don't always find faults. He is a lucky guy dammit...i don't wanna be cocky but really, he could do much worse than me. Enough is enough already. Maybe everybody in my family isss right...maybe im really being held down. I'm way too good for him. I love him; but maybe i should stop.