I'm Loving it

Well today i felt a bit bad because i got so blatantly rejected by some guy. We were talking so amiably, but as soon as he saw my pic he was gone...It's not like I would've gone out with him or anything but that sort of put a damper on me for a bit. Buuuttt, whatever! his loss really. I've been rejected 3 around times, jeffrey, the italian dude, and the george guy. But other than jeffrey, the others didn't even know me as a person. I find it hard to accept that any guy doesn't want me. But why do i care so much about what some random person thinks of me? Why do i feel the need to lie about my shortcomings in the love department? I've never had a real boyfriend, and that's the truth. I'm 19 and never had a true bf. Never made out with a boy, never had sex, never had a grand grinding session (3 mins doesnt count). One of the reasons for that is because I didn't fit in here as an immigrant. I still feel a bit out of place on my off days. I was not pretty and cute in the vancouver sense of the term. I didn't wear sexy clothes or have a cool, funny personality. Another thing was because i was EI...no matter how hot i am, most boys in van just don't wanna date an EI. Blatant racism? you bet. But the thing is...if a guy is too chicken to go out with you cuz of your race and race alone, even if you look hot, then what kind of a wimp is he? Society has it's heel on this guy's throat and instead of shaking the heel off, he cowers under it. I don't wanna date a spineless wimp anyway. But the thing is, I can't blame it all on the opposite sex. Most of it was my own doing. I didn't put myself out there, i didn't compromise my weird qualifications (had to be chinese/white guy...no EI), was too afraid of rejection, etc etc. But not anymore. I don't really care if i've had a lousy love life...it doesnt matter. All that matters is what i do next, what kind of a person i will be by tomorrow, and how much progress im making in my personal evolution into a strong, beautiful, loving woman.

I should always remember that rejection doesn't mean anything. It hurts, sure...but never dread or be afraid of it. Because you actually learn so much from rejection. Not as much as through acceptance, but that's only because acceptance doesn't come easy. And the person who's doing the accepting will be the lucky one in my case ;). I hope he doesn't break my heart, but i'm not going to dread it. I'm not going to be overly nervous about meeting him, and what he thinks of me, and whether or not he'll like me...because at the end of the day, he's just a human being like me. He's not invincible, perfect, or anything like that. He's just as flawed as me, and im loving it.