Drowning in Plastic Waters

Vanished hours lulled, numbed, dumbed.
Swirling in lost hours of torment.
Reminscing bitterness.
The lonely nights
by a luminescent screen while your gay laughter
floated inside me. I gulped
and gasped and groaned and moaned.
Reached for a star
to pull me through to higher ground.
Alas, that star turned a monster
and gnashed at my hope
with a million carniverous teeth.
Blood spilled and splattered on the blue canvas of your nonexistent love.
You stringed me along
by an incandescent thread,
and i followed you into
the depths of the ocean.

Even now i hear you
in my sleep i see you
reaching blindly for anything
when anything happens to be me
i am no longer drowning.
sharp shreds of blinding light have numbed me
again, once again, once more.
But this time
it is towards you that i am numb.
No more will you reach for me
i have cut
the telephone line
in half.

Reaching for the Forceps

I'm going to go for it. Im going to go for Med School! No matter how long it takes, I will do it! First course of action will be to take a year for fun and discovery. I can't go in my 3rd year because I will be swamped with trying to keep up my grades. Instead, I think I'll go for an Arts degree with a science minor. I even have it down to Psychology and Genetics. Next step will be to talk to an advisor and then sign up for the exchange program.
I realized that I need to live life with the passion that Emily Dickinson had. True, she lived in isolation, much like the US in the early 1900's, and was deathly afraid of men. But if I posessed a tiny bubble within the soda fizzle of her passion, I would be truly living life. I want to give life everything I have, i want to live every moment to the fullest, but these cliches are so difficult to realize. I slack off, spend half the day watching tv, mope around the house complaining about how boring my life is, skip school and work because I'm too lazy, don't do my homework, all because I'm not trying. I could get a fabulous mark in all my classes if i tried...but i simply don't. Right now the world is a winter wonderland outside...and I'm going to go sleep. Tomrrow I will go volunteer and give the day every ounce of strength i've got!

There are many hours in a day....

It has been quite a while since my last blog, quite a while since I had time to write anything anywhere. Just to let you know, things have changed quite a bit around here. Gone is my transitional moodiness and deplorable and urgent yearning for something other than what I have right now. It is still present, and is still a deplorable yearning, but at least it is no longer urgent. I am content to just be content at the moment.
I have started a new job at a reputable retail store. Sadly, my reputation has witnessed no justification of it's capable vivacity at my place of employment. Often times I find myself tongue-tied, confused, withdrawn and otherwise socially backward. I noticed that I withdraw within myself whenever i experience a transition. Whether it be from school to school or work to work, or any other type of transition for that matter.
One of the cool things I learned today, from a guy that is attractive in a very funny and, non-sexual way, is that there are many hours in a day. His words, despite the obvious nature of its content, had the desired effect on me. It made me think about those words all day. There ARE many hours in a day, and with the right balance, work, school, play, friends, hobbies, me-time, and exercise can all be crammed into whatever amount of time I desire. If i had a minute to do each, I should divide that minute into 7 seperate segments and strive to complete each one of my tasks. The problem so far has not been the lack of hours in a day, but rather, the lack of effort to make the hours in a day worth the time it encapsulated. From now on, I will make my time worth my time because there are many hours in a day.