My Blue Toenail

I feel so depressed...hopeless and depressed. There is so much pain in the world...so many things that make no sense. Just like my toenail. It's blue and no matter how many hot towels i press to it, it wont stop being blue. My mood is the same. I just feel like there are so many things i have yet to experience and that im not getting a head start on things by just sitting here and wasting my life. But should i really work at both places? I dont know. I need to clean my room. My room is a constant reflection of myself...and right now its one big chaotic mess.

I should clean my room.

Clean out my life. Distance myself from people that don't respect me..realize my full potential...patronize me. But i can't always run from things. Like my new boss...she was mad at me because i didnt call. But i cant just quit the job. I need to stick around and regain her trust. She complained about me in a dreadful way in front of my friends. But i cant run away...i should stay and prove her complaints wrong. I just hope i have what it takes to live a full life.

I really want god right now too, but i keep on missing the alarm every sunday. everyday he waits for me to talk to him but i miss out. i choose to not listen..choose to postpone. That doesnt mean i want you any less god. I want you so badly but i dont know how to get you in my heart. Give me a plan of attack. Help me not be blue.